My Favorite Tip for Relieving Anxiety
(Note: I’m not affiliated with any of the links in this article. I do not make money if you click any of the links, they are there for educational purposes only.)
Persistent racing thoughts reminding me of my impending doom. Feelings of fear toward the reality of these thoughts. Breakdowns knowing my time is limited. These sensations have been my constant companion ever since I can remember. Only in the last few years have I started to learn that this may not be a normal but I’m 100% not alone this feeling.
If you’re anything like me, or know someone like me, you know how much anxiety isn’t just a little tick of random nerves. Instead it encompasses all of you; every thought, every feeling, even your physical health.
When I first started seeing a therapist about my anxiety, I honestly would cry when leaving because of how much lighter I would feel. I had no idea how much my mind was feeding me garbage and how I believed all of it. I had no idea that it was not normal to feel consistently overwhelmed and dreadful. More than all that, I had no idea how so many people felt the same way I did! Discovering this was such a relief, as I had been told my whole life how “weird” I was or how I needed to just “shake it off”.
I couldn’t just “shake it off,” and I may never fully be able to, but now I’ve gained tools that allow me to fight back instead of succumbing to the anxiousness. One of my favorite tools is the utterly shocking truth that,
“You don’t have to listen or believe every thought that pops in your head!”
“WHAT?!?” That was my honest to goodness response when my therapist first told me this. I was entirely shaken.
I had lived so long with believing that every thought, every feeling I had ever experienced deserved time, attention, and an internal discussion. I had no idea that thoughts are actually like billboard adverts on the highway; flashing past your mind, leaving as quickly as they came, unless you want to take a second look.
Toni Bernhard J.D., an award winning author and mental health guru, wrote an article in Psychology Today on this exact topic, stating, “Trying to control the thoughts that arise in your mind is a losing battle. What matters to your well-being is not which thoughts arise but how you respond to them.”
See what I learned with my therapist, and what Toni Bernhard J.D., is trying to explain here is that not all thoughts need or deserve your attention. When a thought arises that you don’t like, you can literally ignore it! It does not need to be listened or believed. On the other hand, when thoughts arise that you do choose to listen to, YOU control the dialogue, YOU control how to respond to it.
The folks over at TED* The Empowerment Dynamic (not to be confused with Ted Talks) wrote an awesome article about the ways in which to respond to the thoughts you choose to listen to. Using what they call your Creator voice, you respond to your thoughts based on the outcome you want rather than the outcome your thoughts are telling you to expect. It’s a proactive, rather than reactive response and it does your mental health a ton of good.
So now I try my best to ignore my thoughts when they tell me, “you’re not good enough,” “the world is ending,” or “you’re dying.” Sure those thoughts still creep in from time to time but I now know that in those moments I have a choice. I can either continue to listen them, or I can tell them, “I see you. I understand why you’re here. However, I’m tired of listening to you and all your negitivity. Today I’m going to choose to instead believe that all the things I want will come true! So please shut up, and go away!” And slowly but surely those anxious thoughts begin to fade as I get stronger and stronger in choosing what I want to think about.